My Dad Found My Cigarettes

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I started smoking when I was 16.

I always carried around my pack of Marlboro Reds, a lighter, and chewing gums.

One day, I got out of the shower and noticed my jeans were missing. I figured my mom was doing laundry and took them.

Then I remembered… my cigarettes were in the pocket!

“Oh fuuuuckkk!” I said to myself.

I was praying to God she didn’t check the pockets yet. I was gonna sneak into the laundry room and get it.

But when I went out to the living room, lo and behold, there it was: my Marlboro Reds, lighter, and chewing gum.

It was on the coffee table and sitting across from it, was my dad.

I knew he was gonna beat the shit out of me.

He told me to follow him to the bathroom, opened the window, and said:

“You like to smoke? Smoke this whole pack right now.”

I hesitated, thinking it was a trap. Maybe if I do, he’ll beat me.

I slowly reached for a cigarette and lit one.

Nothing happened.

When I finished that one, I lit the next one.

Nothing again.

After the 3rd cigarette, I started coughing and puking in the toilet.

That’s when my dad said, “are you gonna smoke again?”

I quietly answered “no.”

The beating never came.

I thought to myself, “that’s it?”

I never knew why he went so easy on me… until 3 years ago.

I was burnt out and stopped posting for about a year. I say “burnt out” but the truth is, I didn’t feel as confident posting. I was preaching about not being a perfectionist and not having to spend hours a day on social media, yet here I was, being a perfectionist, spending 2 hours a day making content, and 4 hours a day on engagement.

I felt like a total fraud.

Who am I to lecture others, when I’m not following my own advice?

You see, when I was 16, my dad was also a smoker. I realized he was probably asking himself the same question: “who am I to lecture Sun, when I’ve been smoking for over 20 years?”

Listen, I’m still far from perfect.

As I’m writing this story, I’m realizing that I recently told our Small Group leaders to show up in the community and post their stories, yet I was showing up less and less and not posting my stories either.

Ironically, I was telling them to lead by example, but I wasn’t leading by example.

This has been slowly eating away at my confidence.

I’m not sharing this story to lecture you {{ subscriber.first_name }}. I just hope it can be a reminder for both of us to look in the mirror and ask ourselves “are we really practicing what we preach?”

Because that’s the only way we can show up confidently and authentically.

In fact, when we do, and when we lead by example, it inspires others without having to preach at all.